Am I ever not behind?

It's funny that in the last month, I've spent so much time looking at my blog - reading about the things I did and how I felt in September, looking at the pictures, thinking about posting...and yet I haven't posted.  Not that life's been super easy, or uneventful, or even so busy that I just couldn't spare a few minutes to sit down and write.  My life's just been very closed.  Closed to the people who are in it here and now.  Perhaps as a way of making it through the last month in Ottawa? 
I'm not closed minded.  I haven't closed my heart to anything.  But there's only so many ways to make me think about what has to be done this week, instead of planning for next month, getting excited for the next steps, thinking about the next adventures.  I'm not entirely sure if this is a good thing or bad thing.


So updating.  Today I am feeling ridiculously tired, and weak.  I don't feel sick - maybe because the cold medicine I've been taking for the last three days actually eliminates those symptoms, but I've already had a two hour nap today, on top of a good night's sleep, and I'm still feeling exhausted.  My plans for the day? Reading 70 pages of history, studying two english stories, and one chapter of Spanish.  Writing a resume, outlining a cover letter, preparing for Veronica's birthday, and finding out when I can take first aid.  Accomplished? 25 pages of History.  So not a good time to get sick!


There's so many days, little stories, and funny moments that I want to share with you all! Some of them I even started writing about but the never finished.  I think what I'll do is post a list.  And when I'm in the mood to write, I"ll write about something off the list.  BUT, if I don't end up posting, you'll have something to ask me about when you see me in a couple of weeks!  


Rainy NIght
Amazing Birthday
Evil English
Keeping Secrets
Studying space
Beginning of the end.

I'd suggest you read this in parts...

I definitely don’t deserve to be as happy and carefree as I am today.

For  my failures, my mistakes, my misjudgements, my lack of faith, my betrayal…my sin…he took the shame.  My mocking voice.  My hand behind the whip.  Driving the nails through his wrists.  He paid the price. 

He died on the cross, so that the undeserving, unfaithful child that I am could have a relationship with God.  Could know the Father, walk with the Son, be filled with the Spirit.  

I’m so thankful.

~

There is a warm breeze, lightly lifting my hair from my shoulders, brushing strands across my face.  Lying on a blanket, which covers the grass –which is alive, but a little sad after being trapped under the snow for months - I’m warmed, inside and out by the sun.  It’s the second of April, and even at home I would have been in disbelief at this weather. It’s 25 degrees, with bright blue skies.   Shorts, skirts, sandals, bathing suits, watermelon, sunscreen.   It feels – and looks – like the beach in August. People are walking, cycling, lunging on the grass.  Some of us are working…laptops and textbooks, sure identifiers of University students.  We’re young, and free, and beautiful.   Too bad we’re chained by the weight of books and papers and exams for one more month. 

But for now, I’m taking a break, feeling the freedom, sitting silently, in awe of this marvelous, glorious creation.  Here’s the story of my week!

Friday, March 26

“You are the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen”

Paper.  English.  Due at 2:30.  Compare themes: women, discrimination, oppression, limitations.   Starting late.  Frustration.  Why do I procrastinate? Quotes.  Creepy stories.  Decisions. Plans.  Strategy.

3:00, a horrible draft is complete.  I decide to go to class just as it’s ending to talk to my professor, not wanting to hand in a really, really bad paper, disturb the class, and not know what they were talking about, since I hadn’t had time to read the story.

Grace. Relief.

A few more days.

Then Campus for Christ, then an epic experience, teaching a friend literally from the beginning how to bake a cake. (from a box).  Open the package, egg-cracking lessons, measurements, stir the batter, put it in the oven.  First time licking the bowl.  Music, laughter, games…hide and seek… Eating cake, interpretive dance, video cameras.

Abba, Aqua, Spice Girls.

Crazy girls?

Immature?

Embarrased yet?

Maybe you had to be there.  Maybe I hit my head at some point.

Saturday, March 27

“Maybe we could sleep in, I’ll make you banana pancakes”

Taylor and I made three kinds of pancakes: plain, strawberry, and apple cinnamon  and bacon for brunch.  We borrowed a side table from the lounge, and sat down for a delicious meal together.  Brunch turned into lunch turned into afternoon snack, and we lounged on the floor of the room, cozy in our duvets, leaning against the door and watching The Notebook.   After a day that neither of us could really afford to waste – but both of us really needed, we spent the evening in the library having an essay writing party.  Wohoo!!

Sunday, March 28

“Dun dun dun dun -DU-DUH dun-DU-DUH”

I got cold on the way to church.  Even though it had been -15 just a few days before,  and it definitely above zero, I was really, really cold.  Since it’s been warm, I’m back to associating sun with heat.  I was cold in church.  I was cold eating lunch after church.  I was cold all day!  I did some multi tasking…and definitely watched Star Wars with Lane instead of focusing on my research.  But I couldn’t really find a topic, and so I was frustrated…and how could I turn down Star Wars?  We had to finish what we’d started a few weeks earlier!

When the movie ended, I did sit down to do some research, until more family and friends arrived for Dinner, and then it was too crazy.  After yet another delicious meal, and a few rounds of banana grams, I headed back to school.  I did some work, and then went to bed, knowing I was in for a LONG day, beginning before 9AM Monday.

Monday, March 29

“This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends….”

When my class finished at 11:30, I had lunch and began preparations for a day of intense writing.  8 page history essay, due at 2:30 Tuesday, no lates accepted, worth 30%.  I literally built a trap for myself.  Using the table we’d borrowed to close the space between my wall, shelf, and desk, I grabbed books, water, and snacks and sat in the corner literally all day, only allowing myself to leave to go to the washroom, and to make dinner.    At 10 pm, I was beginning to lose it, and fall asleep.  I had a shower, braided my hair back tightly, put on uncomfortable dress clothes, and had some grapefruit juice – successfully tricking my body into believing it was time to be awake again.  By 3:00, after a total of 15 hours trapped in a very small corner, I had my research done, a firm thesis, and sentence-by-sentence outline.  Unable to read, write, or even keep my head up, I went to bed.

Tuesday, March 30

“Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because….”

6:30 came way too early, but I somehow managed to get up.  I spent the morning writing, had a brief nap from 9-10, and then got back to writing.  At 1:30, I printed off a draft, and gave it to my room mate to edit while I put in a million footnotes. 

Footnotes and editing finished, I printed off the final copy at 2:25.  Luckily the class wasn’t very far away.

After class I went grocery shopping with Veronica…since I pretty much had nothing but frozen meat.  We had a much needed break, before coming back to resume the torture.

Wednesday, March 31

“The sun’ll come out, tomorrow…”

Good Morning Jennifer.  You need to finish your English Essay.  You need to read the story the class will be discussing.  Your friend, Chris, is coming over, you need to clean your room.  Or at least make the bed.  You need to review for the Spanish quiz.  You need to….

Room clean and story half read, Veronca and I raced down the stairs and over to our Spanish Class.   After class, Chris and I had lunch, and went for a walk.  Jeans, t-shirt, socks and shoes were WAY too warm.  At 2:30, it was back to work.  Taylor and I closed the curtains, and opened the door to our room, trying to block the sun from coming in, and let the cold air from the hallway cool the place off a bit, and the light from the hallway make it a bit brighter.  I lay on my bed in a tanktop and shorts, eating icecream, listening to my next-door neighbour’s music,  and editing  my essay.

It felt SO good to hand the essay in at 4:00.  It was sunny and beautiful outside.  And  an immense burden had been liften from my shoulders: that was my last big thing.  Just a few tiny quizzes and french/Spanish assignments to do before exams.  I’d been looking forward to this day for weeks!

Thursday, April 1

“I can see clearly now, the rain has gone”

So, it definitely wasn’t raining…but it’s so nice that the end is in sight.  I’ve escaped from the hole that I’d been in for a while, and finally have time to breath.  To bask in the sunlight, to get excited about life.  To savour some moments.  To walk slow.

Taylor left very early in the morning  to catch her flight home to Thunder Bay, so when I woke up, I had the room to myself.  After a wonderful morning, when I actually had time to read the Ottawa Citizen, the Times Colonist, and the Sooke News Mirror, I had lunch and packed a bag to go outside and work.  Veronica and I lay on a blanket, talking, taking pictures, and studying in the sun – I think it was just less than 20 degrees.  When we were both taking a break, a man approached us from Global Nationa and asked if he could interview and film us for a segment on the weather.  Definitely not how we’d been expecting to spend the afternoon!

The experience was kind of weird.  Talking was ok, but then he wanted us to sit/lie in certain positions.  He wanted me to look like I was tanning.  Don’t talk, tilt your head this way, just stay like that, pretend I’m not here.   I don’t like how easily manipulated I was…how just because I might be on tv I was willing to do everything he asked – to the point that what he was filming wasn’t me at all.  Maybe it was my body – but it wasn’t my soul.  By the time he finished with us, a bunch more people had come out to enjoy the sun, and so he ended up interviewing them too.  As nice as it might have been to be on the news, I’m really glad that the segment with us didn’t get put up.  And if someone else wants to interview me, or film me “outside in the sun,” it’ll only be if they actually want to film ME.

After my French class in the afternoon, Veronica and I were free to prepare for the amazing weekend we have planned for eachother!

After three hours of grocery shopping, and trying to rent movies ( but failing, due to the store not having the movie we wanted, and then us not having all the required information  - a lease agreement and photo ID – to rent our second choice),  we came back with some delicious treats, and everything we need to make a fancy dinner on Saturday.  Dessert in hand, we put the mattresses on the floor and settled down to watch/make fun of one of our nerdy favourites – Harry Potter, of course. 

I realize how ridiculous this obsession is. 

We fell asleep at some point before the movie ended, which brings me to this morning.  We slept in, packed a picnic lunch, and went to get some work done outside.  I’m not sure how much we accomplished, but we took lots of pictures at least!