Almost out of Ketchup.

So, it seems like every time I blog, it begins with some sort of reason why I haven't blogged for the last...who knows how long.  And here again I find myself, sitting down with an hour to type about a month which has slipped through my fingers, and slowly is making it's way deeper and deeper into my heart. Truth be told, I have actually chosen not to blog this month.  Not because I didn't have any exciting stories to share, and not because words weren't rushing from my brain and flowing through my fingertips.  I did start writing, numerous times.  But I couldn't bring myself to finish or post.  When I write, I like to just pour out whatever is on my mind, whatever is in my heart, and usually, it's an amazing feeling to put all of it out there, declaring all I am and all that's inside me, and not worrying about what the world thinks of me, what they do with my stories.  If you know me at all, you've probably noticed that when I tell something, I need to tell it completely. If I share a story, my heart is either going to be on my sleeve, or time needs to have removed me far enough from the situation that some of it is locked in my memories, and I can choose to either open or shut the door, lock or unlock the hatch, cry or laugh or smile or frown or just close my eyes and breathe controllably.

I haven't blogged because I have felt like I either had to hold back half of what I was feeling, or hold back half of the stories.  And there's only so many nets I can put up and walls I can build before I'm not able to write anything other than "I'm alive."

But don't fret - I am indeed alive!

So here it is folks, March, after it's soaked in to my memory a bit, and I can tell it as a narrator rather than with the pulsing adrenalin of a character living in a frenzied compilation of moments.

 I'm sitting on my balcony, typing as I listen to the evening's live entertainment - the daily cricket match happening in the  parking lot below - and I'm staring out at the city of Ottawa.  The cluster of apartments and offices that stand just to the side of the more castle like peaks and turrets of the parliament buildings are sillhouted by a golden setting sun, in a nearly cloudless sky.  Today was the first warm day in a while, and what a blessing it was to sit outside and enjoy my dinner, without even a sweater covering my arms.  The air is getting crisper now as the sun falls, and but I'm cozy with my knitted sweater wrapped around me, and my fingers race across the keys to keep warm.

I almost don't know where to begin.  Or rather, I do know where to begin, but I'm trying to sort out a way to slide it in gracefully, not hiding it, rather, embedding it in a slew of other words that maybe take away a little bit of the impact.

(Insert a week long pause, caused originally by my nerves/a ridiculously large amount of pigeon droppings that needed to be removed from my balcony...So here I am, on my balcony again, it's a coolish but sunny wednesday afternoon, and once again I have an hour to write.  We'll see if it gets out this time!)

March, now that it has soaked into my memory a bit, is a month that marked a significant transition in my life - from singleness to being in my first relationship.  And now with this out in the open, I guess I didn't blog because my heart was in spits of chaotic waiting, doubting, believing, being surprised, being blissfully free, being excited, being scared, being...shared...and being introduced to a myriad of new emotions which, despite numerous attempts to imagine, I couldn't have possibly imagined until feeling them, and now that they are here, I'm not sure I would want to describe them, even if there was any possibility of being able to do so!

There have been lots of other, much less significant, but still somewhat interesting firsts in my life this month.  I've seen (and participated in!) the entire process of making maple syrup - I've tasted the clear, sweet, watery sap collected from a beautiful snowy (and muddy!) forest.  I've scooped it on to snow and twisted my spoon around trying to make taffy.

I've had my first really strong urges, which have been acted upon, to try COFFEE.  I haven't had a whole coffee yet, but it's coming very soon.  Oh dear.

I've led an evening at the GYG, in which i had to talk - and I didn't have a perfectly prepared and practiced script: but I was able to trust God and just hear him speak through me.  Such an incredible experience!

I've looked out the window and not seen ANY snow.  Ok, obviously this is not a life time first.  But it feels like winter has been going on for far, far too long.  I am ready for it to be gone! Hopefully it wasn't toooo much wishful thinking that I put my heavy winter coat and warm scarves, hats and mitts in a vacuum bag at the bottom of a storage container today? Shorts and bathing suits and sandals are now on top...I'm so ready for them!

So, for those of you who I haven't been blessed to call or skype with through this crazy month, I'm sorry for being so out of touch - but at least now I have a little less catching up to do!

My roommates and I are almost out of ketchup - it's a tragic story.  Really.