Trust

It's pitch black around me.  My heart races in anticipation of whatever ghoulish actor could pop out at any moment, catching me off guard, making me jump, scream, or do something else irrational without thinking about it.
 It's pitch black around me.  My eyes dart around trying to catch a glimpse of my surroundings, but I think I can see more with my eyes closed than open.
It's pitch black around me. I don't know where the walls, floor, or ceiling are.  I don't know the path we are walking.  There's noise enough that I can't hear steps in front of or behind me, but there are hands on my back, and my hands are on someone else's back, and luckily there is so much else going on that I'm not thinking about it, and we just walk.  And when I can't feel the leather coat in front of me, I'm terrified, and I race forward until my hands rest safely there again, and I'm not the one leading the way,  I'm not making decisions on my own, and I don't need to fear what is in front of me.  The hands on my back assure me that I don't need to fear what's behind me.  And we progress through the darkness in a line of trust that explodes in laughing, relaxed breathing as soon as we get out of the "haunted house."

~

It's bright outside.  The vibrant pink, orange, red, blue, and green of the blanket underneath me dance with my sunglasses and rolled up jeans, the sun beams down and my hair is hot.  Summer and Fall tango around me: the wind is not summer's gently laughing child with flowers in her hair, but it's Fall's French artist, direct and to the point, wearing red, black, and white stripes, with a piercing laugh.   I'm supposed to be reading about Canada's First Nations.  But thoughts and feelings and questions and dreams are swirling around in my head, morphing fun experiences into something else.  Twisting conversations into too much or not enough or...I dont even know sometimes.  Probably most of the time.

And I know I need more faith.  Faith when I can't see.  Faith that's firmer than feelings.  "The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." (James 1:6) I need to trust that God' in front of me, behind me, beside me, over me, under me, in me...living, breathing, speaking, shaping, moving, loving.


I need to move by His calling and leading, and not be driven by feelings, led by hope and faith at one moment, cowering in uncertainty or doubt in another.

My anchor is down in His love.  My heart is filled by him.  He's with me whether I can feel him or not, and as I learn to trust more, the walk through the dark becomes more of an adventure something to be scared of.